Bob Mortimer has never shied away from dark humour — but his latest confession has struck a very different chord.
The beloved comedian, now 66, revealed that even after surviving an emergency triple heart bypass and discovering that 95% of his arteries were blocked, he still can’t bring himself to follow one of the strictest rules doctors gave him.
And it all comes down to one unlikely villain: cheese.
Mortimer recalled the moment a dietitian delivered the blow that left him genuinely heartbroken.
“She told me I’m allowed a matchbox-sized piece a week,” he revealed. “It destroyed me. Some people stick to it — but I think I’m in the group who’d rather lose three years.”
The brutal honesty shocked fans, especially considering the terrifying ordeal he faced back in 2015. Mortimer’s heart stopped for 32 minutes, and surgeons were forced to rush him into life-saving surgery. It was so severe that he and his long-time partner Lisa Matthews secretly married just half an hour before the operation, after receiving an emergency exemption.
Mortimer later admitted he even wrote his will the day before.
Yet it was that near-death experience — and what he saw in those moments — that shaped the way he lives now.
“I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt happier than ever. When I woke up, I wasn’t scared of death anymore,” he once shared.
Since then, life hasn’t exactly gone easy on him. While filming Gone Fishing last summer, shingles left him unable to walk, and his ongoing battle with arthritis has been publicly documented. During lockdown, he confessed to unhealthy habits that he believes shaved years off his life.
And still — through every diagnosis and every warning — his sense of humour remains untouched.
He jokes that dinner parties feel like “torture,” and that most of his friends have stopped inviting him anyway. He laughs about the rules he doesn’t follow. He brushes off the risks with a shrug that is both funny and faintly heartbreaking.
Because beneath the jokes lies a man who has looked death in the face — and who now clings tightly to the small joys most people take for granted.
Cheese just happens to be one of them.
For many fans, Mortimer’s confession isn’t reckless — it’s remarkably human. A reminder that after everything he has endured, he still chooses the tiny pleasures that make life feel warm and familiar.
One fan summed it up online:
“If a matchbox of cheese is all he’s allowed, let him have the whole block.”
And knowing Bob Mortimer, he probably already has.
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